Nathen arrived home and his five-year-old daughter came up to him with a book of fairy tales that she pushed toward him to read to her. “This one, please, Daddy.” She pointed at the Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
He pushed back his brown hair and pulled down his glasses before replying in his usual devious tone, “Honey, you don’t want me to read this again, do you? Why don’t we read something else that’s more realistic and poignant than that. Look here’s the local newspaper. I’m sure there are more interesting stories than a princess who is being stalked by an evil witch, looking for her Prince Charming and boarding with seven little men.”
“Daddy, please, the teacher wanted me to learn how to read this.”
“Oh, you want me to read so you can learn how to read? Well, honey, that’s not how it works.” He saw her doe eyed look beseeching him. “Oh alright, but then I will make you read it to me after I read it to you; deal?”
“But Daddy I don’t know how to read!”
“Once upon a time there was this evil witch who had this mirror that she would ask “Who is the fairest of them all?”
“Daddy that’s not how it goes.”
“Are you certain?”
“Read it to me Daddy, please!”
“I don’t have to read it to you, I know it by heart. Do you want to know what happened to Snow White after the happily ever after?”
“Okay?” She gave her father a questioning, inquisitive stare.
“Okay, come over here and sit on my lap and I’ll tell you what happened to her.” She took Nathen’s hand, and they went to his recliner and sat down. She climbed upon his lap. “Are we comfy?”
“Yes, Daddy we are.”
“Okay now after the prince married Sleeping Beauty, he found the wicked witch in her castle. It turns out she hadn’t died after all. You see the dwarfs made a pack with her that they would allow her to live if they could get some of her magic to use against Sleeping Beauty.”
“No, Daddy Snow White, not Sleeping Beauty!”
“Oh, sorry about that. You know they pretty much are the same.” She pouted at him. “Okay, Snow White gets married to the handsome prince. Now where was I? Oh yes, he goes to her and tells her, “I found out about your scheme with the dwarfs, you bad old witch. I want some of that magic too, or I’ll kill you where you stand.”
“Okay, okay,” the witch says. “On one condition that you name Sleeping Beauty after me so that child will bear my name and be the fairest of them all.”
“Daddy! Not her, Snow White!”
“Oh, my bad, okay, Snow white’s husband has threatened the witch with death. Now may I continue?
“Yes, Daddy, you may continue.”
“Fair enough,” the prince says. He secretly crossed his fingers behind his back. “I will do that, name my daughter Hazel after you.”
“So, the witch granted the prince the magic he desired so that too could control Sleeping Beauty, making her his and his alone.
“DADDY!!!”
“Sorry, I keep getting those two mixed up for some reason. It must be my old age.”
“Oh, by the way,” the witch stated, “I understand you have a passion for oranges from the New World. I just happen to have one.”
“The prince had forgotten about the poisoned apple she gave to Beauty, I mean Snow White, and took the offered fruit without hesitation. “Why thank you, witch. I take back all those nasty things I thought about you.”
He left her peeling back the rind and plopping each slice into his mouth. It was a bit on the salty side for his taste buds, but he didn’t care as he got on his horse and felt an uneasiness settle upon him and finally the world turned dark, and his form fell off the horse and he became a toad.
In the meantime, the dwarfs all went to the castle. Each one went into her chamber and had their way with her. She was impregnated and gave birth to seven little girls. Their names were all Hazel Witch.
“Daddy, what does that word mean?”
“What in the world are you telling our daughter, Nathen!” The angry shrill came from the kitchen where his wife stood, a crossed expression painted on her face.
“It’s nothing I can assure you,” Nathen replied calmly to his wife of seven years. “I just told her a version of Snow White and the seven dwarfs after Prince Charming awakens her.”
“Come on honey, let’s get dinner served. I’ll talk to you later, mister!”
Nathen overheard her telling their daughter, “Don’t you listen to that nonsense. They lived happily ever after and that’s all you need to know about that story. I’ll read you a story tonight that is much better than that.”
“Which story is that Mommy?”
“Little Red Riding Hood,” she replied. “But it will be told a little differently this time.”
“How will that be?”
“It’s a secret, but I think you’ll like it even better than what’s in the book.”
“What does impregnate mean, Mommy?”
“Don’t you worry about that. You are too young to know those kinds of words.”
“Did those dwarfs make her sick?”
“In a manner of speaking, yes she got sick every morning until the fifth or sixth month.”
“But the Prince was he still a toad?”
Nathen heard a pause before his wife replied, “That’s another story that I will tell you later, my princess.”
Jerry Schellhammer 