Barney and Wilma watched the latest news on Fox because that’s where the real news is. It’s not fake like on those regular channels. On occasion they’ll watch “Survivor” or “Who Wants to be a Millionaire?” But they mostly watched the real news on Fox.
Both ate their Cheetos and diet coke from their two-liter bottles. Their bags of chips rested on top of their round bellies. Barney proudly wore his red baseball cap. Trump was emblazoned on its bill.
“Can you believe this?” Barney exclaimed as a reporter from some midwestern town told a serious story concerning more goings on with illegal immigrants invading their town with cannibals and pet eaters.
“I’ll believe anything because them liberals in Washington keep the borders open,” Wilma replied, her mouth full of orange chips, bits of crumbs landing on her Dacron pants. “I sure hope Trump can fire them liberals once and for all.
“Fire them?” He asked incredulously. “I say have them all arrested and put in prison.”
“That will work fine with me too.” A video came on showing pictures of a barbeque pit with what appeared like dead animals inside. “Are those dogs?”
“It sure does look like it Wilma. Them cannibals are eating their neighbors pets too. Trump warned us this would happen. Letting all those foreigners into our country and eating our pets and other people too!”
“Well, I sure do hope he gets elected again so we can deport them back to where they came from. Then we won’t have to worry about voting again in four years. Trump, he promised this will be the last election. I sure hope he’s right because this freedom business is giving me a headache. I like it better back in the olden days. Don’t you Barney?”
“Funny, I thought we have elections back then too?” He scratched his four-day growth.
“Oh, that’s right. I just never voted. I don’t generally believe in that stuff. It’s too complicated for my eighth-grade education.”
“I just never gave it a thought myself considering I’m a felon and all since I robbed that liquor store when I was eighteen. Can’t own no guns neither.”
“Don’t you have right to bare arms?”
“Wilma, that might be true but I was in prison when they passed that law.”
“Oh, that’s right. Is that our congresswoman Greene?” Wilma looked at her enviously. “That’s a nice dress she’s wearing. I could never wear anything like that myself. But she’s a rich, properly educated woman with college education no less.”
“I like her. She will go far, maybe Trump will name her Speaker of the House. Then he can get his promises made into good and proper laws for us decent hard-working folks.”
Wilma laughed, nearly choking on her coke.”
“What’s so dab burn funny?”
“You! You haven’t worked in ten years since that fiberglass shop closed.”
“Well, maybe not me but somebody else who’s hard working.”
“Did you check the mailbox and see if our disability checks came in yet?”
“Oh, now I got to get up off this recliner. I was comfortable too!”
“Get a bag of goobers too. I should check my blood sugar while you’re gone.”
Jerry Schellhammer 