“Meow, I’m Tommy the kitten abandoned by an evil human family and now living with this wonderful human named Master Jerry. He’s really old and don’t walk very well, and his left arm and hand can’t pet me like the other one can.”
“But, enough about him. It is after all about me.”
“Will you stop,” Elsa exclaimed in frustration.
“What? I am the star of this story after all.”
“Yeah, and I’m Cleopatra’s African Gray.”
“Who? What? You confused me. I don’t like that. Plus we’re getting away from the story, you mangy bird you!”
“Fine, you tell your version and next week I’ll tell mine.”
“Wait, you did when I first got here. You told them about Master Jerry getting me and how you thought he’d lost his mind, and that it wasn’t funny. I remember, but obviously you don’t.”
“I’ll tell another version, then,” Elsa declared as she scratched an itch behind her neck.
“Anyway, back to the story. My name is Tommy, but before that these evil humans, as a form of a sick joke, named me Ducky. I’m a cat! K-A-T. cat and maybe they were already punishing me just by naming me that ridiculous name. But that was just the beginning.
“I was just a wee kitten when they got me and introduced me to their human child. I noticed by the broken toys and mutilated stuffed animals; I was in for a nightmare existence here.”
‘Kitty,’ “it exclaimed as the toy it had was discarded to the floor and he or she grabbed me and tried twisting my head off my body. I immediately used my kitten powers by clawing and scratching the demon child until it let go and went crying at his parents.
“After that, I was put in a box like container, placed in a dark room and left there. How long? I have no idea. But then the woman fed me, and I was given a litter box and ignored for another long time.
“The man parent came in and played roughly with me, which I didn’t care for, but also didn’t mind because at least I was given some attention. Finally he too tired of me and left me in that cold dark room for all eternity as far as I was concerned.
“The demon child came into the room one day and tried kicking and hitting at me, but I was too quick for his moves that were slow and clumsy. The mother came in and smacked his bottom so hard the child screamed in pain and ran from the room. She looked at me with contempt, as though I was to blame for that child’s bad behavior.
“Finally, one day a man came into the room. He was a stranger. I was placed inside a cage and there were many other people milling about too. They were all strangers, and I felt a deep fear and foreboding that something awful happened here. To this day I don’t know what it was. I smelled things that a young kitten probably shouldn’t smell, yet it permeated the house as I was taken away and later brought to another place.
“I stayed at this place where other kittens, cats, puppies, and dogs lived. We all discussed current affairs, the weather and who would be lucky enough to get adopted first on this day or that.
“On the day I was adopted by Master Jerry, I just knew he liked me by how he looked at me with his kind eyes, his smile and the smooth voice that assured me he was a gentle soul. I experienced none of that at that other house with those evil people.
“So, there you have it to this point anyway.”
“Yeah well, my version is how you constantly pick on me, and I have to stand my ground against you, you nasty old cat you,” Elsa exclaimed in ill-humor.
“You’re just jealous because Master Jerry lets me out in the morning and you’re stuck inside that cage.”
“There are, as he warned you and me, more dangerous creatures out there. He’s just taking better care of me, that’s all.”
“Oh whatever, Elsa.”
Jerry Schellhammer 