Gooding, Idaho

My head jerked with jolt as the dream ended. She snored with the wild abandon of passed out, drunken sailor.

I searched strange surroundings, the opposite wall, white paint—latex maybe? The bedroom window showed the incoming morning light of the rising sun, its white linen drapes halfway opened and flooding in the light that did nothing to shade or conceal.

I slowly, painfully slid from the covers and off the bed. I used the toilet next to the nearby bathroom. I then dressed in shorts and t-shirt. It was a moment where my mind didn’t quite work as it should. My head felt fog-like where actions came before mental processes, as if I were on autopilot. I needed cup of coffee.

I was in a different environment though. I was in someone else’s house where I didn’t know where anything was. I searched the cupboards, the pantry, the cabinets and nothing.

My wife stirred and got up joining me in the kitchen and my mother-in-law joined us, showing us where the coffee was. It was instant Folgers Christal’s that we had to heat up water in pint sized mason jars.

I tasted it with trepidation because I’m used to my beans that I ground on a grinder and brewed on a Mr. Coffee. It wasn’t great but wasn’t bad either. I sat on a couch and listened to stories told. I thought of breakfast.

The brown-haired stepdaughter showed up. The teenaged step granddaughter followed. She looked like her mother but 23 years younger.

I’m working on my blog from my android and trying to describe this place that is an agrarian paradise. It has green pastures with sheep, horses and a cow grazing in a front fenced yard, a building that produces seedlings from which they are replanted in the larger outside garden behind this greenhouse. Lillian, the mother-in-law informed us the last time we came that she also grew tomatoes and other plants in the winter months so they could have those foods year-round. Further back is the chicken coop used cooperatively with a bunch of feral cats who on occasion has a litter of kittens. There is another corral where a colt and filly make their presence known and another building behind that that is used for storage though Tom, Lillian’s common law husband has suggested I use that for my private man-cave.

I think I’ll take him up on that. He’s a cowboy. Not by deed anymore. His riding days are pretty much behind him, but just to look at this tall and lean personage with white hair covered most of the time by a sweat-stained straw cowboy hat, handlebar mustache and weathered skin, he is every bit the stereotypical cowboy who wears worn Levy’s or Wranglers over equally worn boots that need new soles.

The day is cold. We drove most of twelve hours the day before in a foul cold, windy and rainy day and today felt raw and cold on our skin. I wore my jacket and shivered indoors. I looked north and west seeing the horizon of overcast clouds moving quickly with the wind pass the foothill and mountains like a run-away train.

After the breakfast in which the evangelical stepdaughter led us in grace and treated us to her version of eggs, sausage and toast with a side-serving of plain oatmeal, the unpacking commenced in earnest. Both of us should have been out there supervising this process, but we weren’t and then when I did go out there, I had to inform them the desk went into the house.

The desk is a pure wood, not certain what kind and large with three drawers on the right, a drawer in the middle for storing office supplies and keys and a stowage compartment on the left that holds the reams of paper for my printer/copier. Both men gave me that look of ‘I don’t want to mess with it’ expression. I didn’t notice my dresser which also needed to go into my bedroom.

I sensed this was going not in my favor but in my stepdaughter’s favor because she set herself a time limit as to when they were to leave. I could plainly see how this was going as boxes upon boxes of our precious cargo was loaded into a Conex box without any concern as to what was inside and ignoring the writing on the outside of each box that informed each participant where to take said carton so my wife and I could dig inside and pull out those items that needed to be removed and brought inside such as computer cords, copy paper, my alarm clock, my shoes and slippers, and our personal hygiene stuff that was clearly marked “BATHROOM.”

“The Desk won’t fit inside,” an exasperated Nick told us. I bet inside he was gloating over this and was happy he couldn’t get the monstrosity inside the house like I’d hoped. And where is my dresser? I saw them apparently finish, get in the van and her Honda Pilot, and leave among hugs and kisses with Grandma.

They’re gone now. It is just the four of us. We idly chit-chat as we go about our day. Stephanie and Lillian gossiping and catching up, Tom and I listening and interjecting when needed. Then Tom and Stephanie leave to go to Ridley’s the local grocery store. If I’d known that my belongings-personal items such as shaving and personal hygiene were safely stowed inside a Conex box buried beneath additional boxes, I would have told her we needed body wash, shaving crème and razors.

Lillian and I talked. Her accent seemed mildly southern as if she too transplanted from Oklahoma to California during the Depression and dust bowl era.

“I really enjoyed your last book,” She told me referring to A Man’s Passion. “But I wished I could have proofread it though. It was chalk full of punctuation errors and misspellings.”

“That’s odd, I went over it three or four times and they also went over it,” I replied wanting to be diplomatic in my mother in law’s home. “I’ll tell you what though, this next book I just finished, I’ll let you go over it.”

“I would appreciate it.”

I felt slighted by her comments but then she stated, “I always done this for others and even proofed read a union demand for a local union at an office I worked for and they asked me to retype it for them.”

I nodded at her and then she gave me a family history lesson of my wife and her sister, growing up in a single parent household, for the most part. I nodded and then started nodding off. The twelve-hour drive from yesterday took a lot out of me, more than I had anticipated. Her other daughter is Denise though everyone called her “Nice,” like the French resort city.

“They were wonderful girls; always picking up after themselves, being polite and respectful, doing what was told. We moved up here when Stephanie was a teenager and Nice was just twelve, I believe.” She looked at me but also was looking back in time catching this recollection she wished to share with me. It seemed as if she were an oracle of another time and I was there to record her vision and oral history to be passed on to another future race.

It wasn’t that her tales of the past bored me, far from it. Her telling me these stories gave me a clearer understanding to what it was about her and my wife. Like I said, the trip drained me. I felt myself slipping in and out of consciousness. Lillian drone on as if not paying attention to the heavy eyelids drooping shut then opening suddenly.

I’m sure she had an interesting story in store concerning me when she was alone Stephanie or Tom later when I wasn’t in earshot. I have plans for this story I have plans for many stories that I intended to write and edit. As of now I only plan to write it out like a short story; literary and filled with allegory and irony.

They arrived and came in bearing groceries that was enough for the next few days. Tom carried the bulk of the groceries and Stephanie brought in the gallon of whole milk. They put everything away in its proper places and the mother and daughter started dinner.

Alas I turned to my writing, to a story I wrote and am now editing for future hopes of publishing. In time, it will be ready. In time I will provide my publisher with another example of my ability. Today I began the new beginning of a continuing journey.

My New Beginning

I just  awoke in a newer house in Gooding a small farming committee in Southern Idaho. This is my new home. Spokane is a distant memory now.

We will return but less and less frequently. The move itself was arduous, frustrating and long. I wanted to leave early. Well, earlier than when everyone else were willing or ready. The moving van still wasn’t loaded by yesterday morning when my wife and woke up in a cheap motel room.

Neither one of us felt like sleeping on a bare floor, we picked a motel room adjacent to North Division, a major street with busy traffic.

But I digress.

We arrived back at the house and met   my stepdaughter, her fiancé and two children, plus Bob the driver for the U=Haul van we rented.

We spent another two hours finishing the packing on 26 foot-long moving van. Then, we were finally off to Southern Idaho.

The drive was thankfully uneventful. There were still your occasional idiots on the interstate who shouldn’t be allowed on the road. That is a given.

It was an eleven hour drive, but because of the time zone change was twelve total when we arrived.

Now we move in to my mother in law and unpack, turning her home into ours.

20 Years of Where the Fun Never Ends

Last night I was sitting at big round table surrounded by a few of my friends and former team members from Northern Quest Resort and Casino discussing my life and career there these past 20 years. Yesterday was my last day there, having decided prior to moving down to our new adventures in Southern Idaho to retire and pursue my writing ambition full time.

Tina Marie asked me about my funniest moment I had at the casino and I told her of an incident with Nick, who is no longer with us and the time a fellow team member, Carmelita played a trick on him. She is all of five foot and full of piss and vinegar but can be very sweet which is more than a little confusing for most men who had the pleasure of coming into contact with her.

She asked me to play along and I did. She placed herself inside this bath tissue box which she easily fit herself into and told me to call Nick to the supply room using our portable Motorola. He responded that he was on his way and I placed the lid shut over her.

A moment later, he shows up and I told him I needed help lifting the box there up on the shelf beside me. So here’s Nick getting ready to squat down and grab the box when Carmelita popped out from the box scaring poor Nick nearly to death. I think he jumped three feet into the air and screamed out an expletive that was certainly heard through the hallway in back of house.

We all laughed at this and of course I was on a roll and recounted another antidote involving poor Nick. Needless to say, I enjoyed the people I worked with and worked for for the most part since I took my first class at Dealers’ school in a closed-up bank building in Airway Heights while the casino was still under construction in 2000.

The friendship, the comradery and esprit de corps I experienced there was genuine among those who saw me and treated me with kindness and respect. Like I told Jerry, another former team member “I can safely count on my hand the number of people who didn’t like me and I could care less about them.”

“Five?” He asked.

“You got it,” I replied. “Those five never liked most people and perhaps because of that they no longer worked here anyway. That was five out of over a thousand that came and left or came and haven’t left just yet. So when they held the retirement party for me it was a party with over 100 team members by my reconning coming in and shaking my hands, offering me teary eyed hugs and fond farewells. Most every department was represented and then after I clocked out for the last time, went to the Epic Sports lounge without my badge for the first time in 20 years, sat down and waited for more former team members and friends to come.

There is a lot to reflect upon and I guess the remarks I made in the exit interview, which is actually a survey done on a computer, before retiring to my parties points out more than anything. I admired and respected most people who work there, especially the ones in the Housekeeping and Food and Beverage Departments who have to work extra-hard to make this place the resort it is today.

The culture this business represents I do not care for and some of the people who graced our corridors and slot machines and pits I don’t have any use for either. Most of the guests that come in are good people who want a little entertainment and are happy to spend it. The bad apples are only here to cause trouble. I’ve caught them in rest rooms doing their drugs, mostly with stolen needles from our sharpies containers. I’ve seen them yell and scream at each other or starting fights with one another, and I’ve seen them take advantage of our core value of “Everyone is Welcomed here,” by vandalizing our casino and hotel costing us thousands of dollars in repairs or replacement.

I don’t know if it is a normal trait of these people who are mostly poor, who are believing they must gamble to somehow get ahead in life, but obviously can’t because they just blew what money they had for rent on a slot machine or Black Jack table. Or is it because we are in such close proximity to Eastern State Hospital in Medical Lake that these people who are mentally incapable understanding basic principles of social responsibility are thrown into this environment where they act out or react the way they do.

Another thing I noticed these past 20 years is how some people treated me personally, especially following my stroke. You see I had my stroke after being hired by Northern Quest in 2002. Those five people I mentioned earlier came out of the wood work in spades. It was eye opening to say the least. One even suggested I should go home and turn in my badge because obviously this wasn’t the right job for me anymore. He was a housekeeping supervisor named George. There were others like him who seemingly tolerated me like a horse tolerated flies. I was a nuisance and really didn’t belong here because I was doubly disabled from the cleft pallet and speech impediment and now this stroke that made me in their eyes either an invalid or an eyesore they had to be forced to look at each and every day.

It was this backdrop, this culture of arrogance and condescending attitude toward me that I experienced this entire time and I’m sure was why I wasn’t considered for any positions more suited to my knowledge, education, and other-worldly experience I had prior to coming here. One even told my wife, “His only experience is housekeeping and should be happy with that.”

Another told me as I was searching the job board for a better position, “Oh Jerry we don’t want you to do anything other than what you are doing now.”

I have a college degree; I went to a post graduate course in professional writing and have a certificate for that. I have leadership experience through the Army National Guard where I served 22 years. Yet, I wasn’t suitable for those positions I applied for other than housekeeping.

But now I am seeing the high-rise hotel in the rearview mirror its lights reflecting nicely in the ever-increasing darkness as the remain dim rays from the sun disappear in the western horizon. It was a 20-year quest. It was fun most of the time. It was what shaped me into the person I became.

To all my friends, former team members and present team members adios, au voir, auf wiedersehen, good night.

And the Winner is, Justice.

The look on his face whether it was disbelief or anger said it all for me. I was to say the least, hopeful and a little surprised by the verdict. After all Rodney King is still fresh in my mind from when he was beaten by Los Angeles Police officers back on March 3, 1991.

Did he honestly believe that he would be exonerated by a jury who saw the video of him kneeling on George Floyd’s neck even after he begged Chauvin that he couldn’t breathe? It might have been different had it been in the South or in another era when police abuse of a Black man was at least ignored.

Justice prevailed this time. Next time? Who knows because different circumstances, different people would undoubtedly lead to a different result? For the time being I am happy that justice won and evil lost.

Mommy!

“Mommy!” I screamed as he hurt her over and over with the knife he brought. I knife he used to stab her and sliced her face and arms until she couldn’t hold them up to defend herself, or me.

He was her boyfriend. He called himself Dave. I never liked him. I thought he was mean and me I’m just five and he treated me like garbage; something that was ignored until I made a fuss. Then he would yell at me to shut up.

I thought she had broken up with him. I thought she told him never to come back. I thought we were finally safe from Dave. I was wrong. We were wrong.

He stabbed me and then she tried shielding me from his knife. I don’t know why he came back but he did. I don’t understand why he looked at us the way he did. I laid in my own blood and watched Mommy get stabbed over and over again. He finally stopped. He finally stopped hurting Mommy. She laid there staring back at me but she isn’t moving.

I vaguely remember that he grabbed me and threw me over his shoulder and carried me into the garage where Mommy’s car was parked. Why? Why is he doing this? He laid me beside him and started the car. I fell asleep. Mommy’s in heaven and I’ll join her soon. I know I will.

“It’s okay honey, Daddy is here. You get better,” I vaguely heard Daddy’s voice tell me in words that choked with sadness. Daddy was crying over me. I woke up and saw where I was. I saw I was in a hospital. Did they bring Mommy too? Will I see her again?

Mommy!

How Safe Are We?

I have concerned friends and family member who have concerns, fears, and outright paranoia about the vaccines available to us through the pharmaceutical companies that offer them. From personal experience, I have taken both shot of the Moderna vaccine and while had side affects akin to a mild flu bug I feel fine. But that doesn’t mean that there are people out there who for reasons not considered did suffer other more serious side affects related to anyone being vaccinated including allergies and histories of adverse reactions.

The CDC has guidelines on safety protocols that were used to ensure that the representative companies giving those shots adhered to the letter of the law when it came to being completely transparent and above board.

In a Journal of American Medical Association report (JAMA), the process by which the pharmaceutical companies fast-tracked the vaccines from research and development to us was as incredible as the development of the polio vaccine was in the early 1950s.

Conversely, another report from JAMA admits more studies need to be done to test the long-term effects this vaccine has on us. But it also admitted the protocols in placed to do the testing were above board and met the minimum requirements.

One thing that stood out here is the fact that we can not get corona virus from the shot itself because we are not getting the virus injected into our system. It is an RNA inhibitor instead.

This is where reality meets hope. While I am in favor of getting every American
vaccinated and hope that we reach herd immunity in this country so that we can get back to a

sense of normalcy, there are still those out there who want to make this into a political issue rather than a health and safety issue.

While President Biden may want 300,000,000 people vaccinated by July, it’s doubtful, given the environment we live in that that will happen. I’m guessing many more will not. As I was saying I had my two shots, my family members and close friends have not and from the conversations I’ve heard from them it is unlikely they will.

For Every Action

It’s all part of Newton’s three laws of motion. It’s the third law actually, and it’s something politicians seem to always forget.

The action by the Georgia State Legislator is a case in point. The governor, Brian Kemp signed the law apparently not realizing the consequences that it would have. The law, Georgia’s Election law is as much about restricting minority voting as anything we’ve seen since the bad old days of Jim Crow. Unfortunately, the US supreme court has given each state a long rope in defining what the 15th amendment actually guarantees when it comes to our right to vote. Each state therefore can enact statutes that seemingly protects its citizens from fraud and other criminal activities.

As a reaction to this action, Major League Baseball will not hold the All-Star game in Atlanta as promised, consequentially costing that city millions of dollars in potential economic relief. MLB blasted the action as voter suppression.

I had hoped that those days were behind us but apparently not. It is unconscionable that we still have these narrow-minded people representing it citizens. They fear voting for all because they fear losing their jobs and their positions of power and privilege.

One of many famous Twain quotes about the body politic is “To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government and the sure and gradual deterioration of the public morals.

  • Autobiographical dictation, 24 January 1906. Published in Autobiography of Mark
    Twain, Volume 1 (University of California Press, 2010)

That unfortunately is what has happened in Georgia. The Republican Party there, being the dominant party has ensured through this law the gradual deterioration of public morals.

I can only hope others will heed this as an immoral act and think twice about restricting the rights of minorities when it comes to going to the ballot box and voice their favorable or unfavorable opinion towards those wishing that precious vote.

Shot in the Dark

Two more mass shootings by two more individuals with demons in their heads and lots of guns ammo to show their message for all to see.

Once again we have the liberal left screaming for action, gun reform laws. Once again you have the NRA screaming that the democrats are hell bent to take away our guns and abolish the Second Amendment.

Once again I sit on the sidelines and wonder where is the compromise in this mess we’re in? Is there even a middle ground in this? I think there is but the extremists on both ends aren’t willing to listen because their agenda is right and there can be no compromise.

My thoughts have always been to enforce the existing gun laws already on the books, incarcerate those who commits these acts against our fellow citizens, which includes keeping guns and bullets out of their hands and put more money toward mental health awareness.

The second Amendment is only as good as the people allow it to be. So long as we have dysfunctional people out there, killing mass people for the pure pleasure of a sick thrill, and not do anything more than cry out for more gun control, then yes our amendment is in deep trouble. But that goes for all of our freedoms: speech, right to assemble, press and our privacy. Misuse or abuse any of those rights and we run the risk of losing them. Obviously, what occurred on January 6 is proof of what happens when a group of extremists abuse our rights.

As I Sit Here

As I sit here in front of this blank document slowly transforming into a story, a blog, a poem, a confession, I begin with a thought, an idea that might bare fruit or bear the weight of the world.

I sit here thinking of challenges, of character development, of themes that need explored and wonder how many others have been here before. Do they also hate the concept of a blank page staring back at them?

I sit here and contemplate plot, actions, hyperbole, and see what new philosophy might germinate from this narrative.

I’m a pantser who writes and writes until a story suddenly appears with a hero and a villain, along with their sidekicks and unknowing victims thrown into implausible situations they must try to get out of.

Eventually the story arcs into something more tangible and a reality sets in and the hero gets discouraged or defeated by the villain.

Finally the hero discovers an inner truth about himself, about life in general that was passed down to him from a wise man: his father or mother or her grandmother. The hero prevails and the villain is vanquished.

As I sit here, I am finished writing Barracuda: Final Chapter of Tequila Sunrise. I am satisfied for now. It is a bittersweet moment that I savor since now its in the hands of my editor and beta reader.

Writing For Fun

I’m editing the new book called Barracuda. It’s a sad and tragic tail that I will reveal to everyone once the editing is complete and my beta reader has had a chance to go over it more thoroughly. Suffice to say this project is more involved than my last efforts mostly because I am becoming more thoughtful and serious about my craft. I do intend that the rest of my works will go to my present publisher so I can get these titles in the marketplace.

Writing for fun is as I described in last week’s blog an effort in pure writing where I just write the story out regardless of errors or syntax mistakes. The real work is the part that tend to be not so fun because editing a story is an entirely different animal. In a sense, to use a metaphor, editing is like taming a wild beast.

Writing for the enjoyment of writing is creating that wild beast.

I’ve discovered through both the self-publishing and this process through an actual publisher that fine tuning into a piece that is as much a work of art than anything else, involves many sacrifices. There are darlings to kill off, whole pages that need revision, or outright deletion to make the story work. It is a process that many who write hate to go through because, well let’s face it, we hate admitting that we are wrong and think the story we wrote is infallible, when in fact, it’s far from it.

There are stories I’ve written that will not even make it to the publisher because they didn’t past muster with my beta reader or myself. Maybe after I’m dead and gone, someone will pick up that manuscript and do something with it. I the meantime, I will pursue my passion of writing for fun and later for money.